el's trains

i am not your keeper.

Be Independent… It’s one of the many qualities one should possess.

under the influence

I wish you would wake up from the spell that you were put under. In time you will learn how to stay neutral in situations where it does not involve you. In time you will come to understand that you can be friends with two people who’s bridge was burned down.

So what if you knew who someone first or if you had past issues with me. That should not have change my relationships with you. Some say I have may have changed for the worst, but my real kaibaigan say otherwise.

You see… you were able to experience me as me and not through other people. We had our laughs, our talks, our pains, and other things build to what’s is called a bond. Friendships and relationships are never perfect.

You miss my face? I want to believe the words that you say to me, but I find no meaning behind them. Anything that you say indirectly… it hurts. I did notice something recently that shafted me real bad. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

It’s been months already and yet the past still haunts me. I hate sleeping with the ghost of you and me.

It is true… it’s funny how life can be sometimes. 

Last night while driving Eli to her place, we talked about how 2011 is flying by so quickly. At the beginning of the year, it went by so slow. It wasn’t until after my Birthday week that the minutes.. hours.. days.. months were passing me by.

I feel as if as I’ve accomplished goals I wanted to reach. Others I kinda took a step back and trying to get back in the flow of it. The problem for me is trying to be consistent and to keep it up. For example, the gym. I used to go at least 5 days a week for an hour and to two hours. Nowadays, I’m going only twice a week. Maybe I jus need to get I. The habit of going right after work again. Or I can mark on my calendars which days and hours and that will force me to go.

There’s only 3 1/2 months of 2011… Gotta get back on the health tip as well as on the mixing tip too.

I will make it happen.

Beginnings.

I woke up early this morning and I’m still exhausted from the car ride to the Bay. I was able to see my two favorite lil’ kids before they went to school.

I should be sleeping, but I’m itchin’ to venture off into the City. Last time I was here, I wasn’t able to do that. This will be the first time that she goes with me on my adventures around SF cuz usually I go solo. I roam the streets of SF by myself and randomly link up w homies that work in downtown.

Tomorrow night is my brother, Gina, MJ, and two other people’s massive 40th Birtthday bash. I’m glad that I’m here to celebrate my Kuya’s milestone. It’ll be like a mini-reunion for Vallejo folkerz, esp SP-SV alumni… c/o 1989, 1996, and 1997 represent!!

I recently reconnected with someone that I haven’t spoken to in years. Because she was in my dreams, I knew my inner Being was telling me to get in contact with that person. Because of events that happened this year, it made me think of my actions when I was younger. Actions such as choosing sides when I should have stayed neutral. Now that I think about it, I know now why I was mad at that person cuz she always wondered what she did wrong.

Anyways… old chapters always open doors for new beginnings. 2011 is still my year. I’m painting my landscapes as I want them to be.

Audio Stimulation

I’ve been lagging on mixes for a while now. It’s just like a poet, sometimes they have to wait for the words to find them before they find the words. Words to a poet is like music to me. Sometimes I have to wait for the melodies or beats to find me before I find them. 

Also, I’ve been finding myself going from one mix to another. I have not been able to concentrate on just one at a time. This weekend I was able to concentrate on one I started in January. I gave my Scorpio a preview of what I was thinking of my next mix and she was digging it. Songs were just finding me from left and right. It wasn’t until this afternoon that I figured out the songs from beginning to end. 

When do I plan to finish it? Hopefully soon. 

Stay tuned…